10 Power Questions To Ask Someone You Love On Valentine’s Day

Power Questions for a Loved One

How do you show someone you really care and deepen your relationship with them? With chocolates and flowers? Those are great, but you can do more.

Consider asking some of these 10 questions on Valentines Day. Or for that matter–on any day when you want to improve an important relationship!

10 Questions to Ask a Loved One or Friend this Week

1. What are your dreams?

Sit down with a cup of coffee–or a glass of wine–and allow some silence. Smile warmly. Ask this question with no elaboration–don’t mess it up with other words. Then wait.

2. What would you say has been the happiest day of your life? (and, Why did you choose that day?)

Think of this question as the start of a much longer conversation. Why did they choose that particular day? What other days have been happy ones? What is happiness, for them, anyway? Is it the same thing as joy or contentment? Allow an hour at least!

3. Can you tell me about your plans?

We are all so FULL of our own plans. Our own priorities. Our own goals. Our own stories. Ask this about anything: The other person’s career, their upcoming vacation, their weekend. Instead of talking about your plans–or what you think the other person’s plans should be–ask this question and just listen.

4. What do you think about…(this idea, news event, etc.)?

My coauthor on Power Questions, Jerry Panas, calls these the FOUR WORDS. They are very simple: “What do you think?” You’d be surprised how many people are never or rarely asked these four words. They can unleash a marvelous conversation–and help you make a warm connection.

5. What do you wish you could spend more time on each week? Less time?

I like this question because it gets the other person talking about what they really love and enjoy in their lives. And I get to know them so much better after they answer.

6. What was it like growing up in your family and in your hometown?  

This question can reveal surprising, even astonishing things about someone you thought you knew well. And, it shows a level of deep interest in who they are and where they came from.

7. As you think about what you’re doing this year, what are you most excited about? 

This is what I call a “Passion Question.” When you tap into people’s passions, they come alive and the conversation comes alive. All of a sudden you’re not just chit-chatting about mindless trivia. You’re talking about the stuff that lights us on fire!

8. What things give you the most fulfillment in your life?

This comes at passion from a slightly different angle than the previous question. Maybe the answer will be the same. Maybe not. But a conversation about what fulfills us in our lives is always a rich and rewarding one.

9. What are you doing today/this week that I could help you with or support you on?

Even if the answer is nothing, you’ll make the other person feel supported and loved. If there is something–well, it’s a good day when you can identify how to help someone else. Remember, “from everyone to whom much is given, much shall be required.” Maybe you can run an errand for your spouse. Or help a friend with an unpleasant task. It could be that simple.

10. Are there any needs of yours that are not being met in this relationship, or that I could do a better job of meeting?  

This question, which I have paraphrased, comes from Marshall Rosenburg, who is a noted researcher and author on “NVC” or non-violent communications. Another relationship question he asks is, “What can we do to enrich each other’s lives?”

Now, the real secret: For your loved ones, make every day a Valentine’s Day. Whether at home or at work, the worst thing is when you take a relationship for granted. Regularly treat the other person with steady doses of care, affection, empathy, and helpfulness.