Empathy is the ability to understand and share another person’s feelings and emotions. It is essential to building good relationships, both at work and in your personal life. People who don’t exhibit empathy are viewed as cold and self-absorbed, and they often lead isolated lives. Sociopaths are famously lacking in empathy. Conversely, someone who is empathetic is perceived as warm and caring.
The research shows that empathy is partly innate and partly learned. Everyone can improve, however. Here are eight ways to strengthen your own empathy:
1. Challenge yourself. Undertake challenging experiences which push you outside your comfort zone. Learn a new skill, for example, such as a musical instrument, hobby, or foreign language. Develop a new professional competency. This will give both give you a new skill AND a deeper sense for how others may struggle at things you’re already very good at. It will humble you, and humility is a key enabler of empathy.
2. Get out of your usual environment. Travel, for example, especially to new places and cultures. It gives you a better appreciation for and tolerance of others. Make an effort to befriend people who come from different backgrounds and hold different views about hot topics like politics and religion. If you frequent the same places and associate with the same people all the time, you can become insular and even intolerant.
3. Get feedback. Ask for feedback about your relationship skills (e.g., listening) from family, friends, and colleagues—and then check in with them periodically to see how you’re doing: “I’m trying to improve my listening skills and I’ve love to periodically get some feedback from you about how I’m doing and if I’m improving.”
4. Explore the heart not just the head. Read literature that explores personal relationships and emotions. This has been shown to improve the empathy of young doctors.
5. Walk in others’ shoes. Talk to others about what it is like to walk in their shoes—about their issues and concerns and how they perceived experiences you both shared.
6. Examine your biases. We all have hidden (and sometimes not-so-hidden) biases that interfere with our ability to listen and empathize. These are often centered around visible factors such as age, race, and gender. Don’t think you have any biases? Think again—we all do.
7. Cultivate your sense of curiosity. What can you learn from a very young colleague who is “inexperienced?” What can you learn from a client you view as “narrow” or “biased”? Curious people ask lots of questions (point 8), leading them to develop a stronger understanding of the people around them.
8. Ask better questions. Bring three thoughtful, even provocative questions to every conversation you have with clients or colleagues. Try to understand them as people: How do they spend their time outside of work? Where did they grow up? What are their personal interests? What are they most excited and passionate about right now in their life?
If want to improve your empathy, listening, and questioning skills, have a look at my Client Advisor Masterclass online program, here. It’s been used by thousands of executives in both the for-profit and nonprofit sectors to dramatically strengthen their relationship-building capabilities.
